Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Litfuse Review: Related by Chance, Family by Choice by:Deb DeArmond

Related by Chance, Family by Choice: Transforming Mother-In-Law and Daughter-In-Law Relationships
About the Book:
The caricatures are everywhere, the jokes are inexhaustible, and the stereotypes fill the screens. From Marie Barone (Everyone Loves Raymond) to Viola Fields (Monster-in-Law) to Internet sites and social media pages like and a Facebook page for ihatemymotherinlaw there is no shortage of examples of the caustic relationships that can develop between the two women in a man's life.

Deb De Armond and her three daughters-in-law have conducted their own exhaustive research into the status of the women-in-law relationship. Their research, which incorporated online surveys, interviews, and discussions, included asking about the faith factor in the relationships they studied. Of the respondents, nearly 90 percent claimed they were Christians, and 79 percent said their faith was foundational and guided their actions and decisions. As discouraging as it may be, the numbers of those they surveyed who reported that their women-in-law relationships were "bad" were nearly identical to those in a survey conducted by a popular secular website that recorded no statistics on faith.

Beyond the statistics and their analysis, Deb brings to this book more than thirty years working with adults to improve communications and deal constructively with conflict. Aside from her research and her professional expertise, perhaps the most important asset Deb brings to this work is her own relationship with her three daughters-in-law that is so obviously and unusually positive that she--and they--are often asked to explain the secret of the relationships they share.

This practical and unapologetically scriptural book covers issues of personal perceptions, strained communication, the roles of sons and fathers in the relationship's success, how to begin these relationships on the right foot, and the necessity of trust and love. Deb's one motivating objective is to help women in- law move from women who are simply related to strong and confident members of a truly spiritual family.

About the Author:
Deb De Armond has owned her own leadership training and executive coaching practice for fifteen years. She is an experienced speaker and writer with work appearing in WHOA Magazine and Dallas Family Magazine and a co-founder of—an online community for Christian women 50+. Deb and her husband, Ron, have three married sons and three grandchildren, and live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. Find out more at

My Review:
 The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law dynamic is a relationship that can be traced back to Bible times. But as in the story of Naomi and Ruth things went beautifully well but their relationship is definitely one for the record books. The author took her experiences with each of her three daughters-in-law and wrote a book on how to overcome a bad mix if there is one present, a transformation if you will of gigantic proportions. If one or the other of the relationship would with heart open wide and with God's backing would approach the other things could be handled alot differently.

 The main item in any relationship that is important is communication and trust. I know my mother in law and I do not have a good relationship. And in so being with that I try to keep my distance in order for us all to get a little peace. But the author actually says that communication is key as long as it comes from a place of true love. In the book are self-assessments, tip sheets, action plans and prayers. So instead of just reading the book there are some action steps required to get your in-law relationship back on track. The main thing is you need to have a God centered relationship and let Him in on the process you are trying to take with the other individual.

**Disclosure** This book was sent to me free of charge for my honest review from Litfuse Publicity.